i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
