found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
