Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
