I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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