i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
