You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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