You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i dont even know how to be here
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
