i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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