so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
