so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
