I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
