Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
