My friends, they love my intelligence
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
