Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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