just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The dick lei will go down in squad history
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
