And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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