You're completely useless in the revolution.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
