I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize