I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
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I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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