we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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