I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I need a beard to bite.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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