So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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