If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
