You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
