i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Randomize
