And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
