god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
