I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
