omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
