There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
