so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
