all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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