you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm too high and old for this...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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