I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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