very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
