So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
