I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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