We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
