Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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