Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
