Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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