all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
