The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
