I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
