Operation Purity has been aborted
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
