giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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