even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
