i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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