I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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