i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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