all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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