I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
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