I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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