belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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