Got a toothbrush?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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