my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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