you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
