he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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