PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize