All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
