i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
