I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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