remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
