You're earring is so big in my mouth
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Couch. On fire.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
