you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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