someone threw a dead crab at me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
