btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
