thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
