Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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