Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize